iWatch my friends date
by PD31
Summary: How does Carly really feel about Freddie and Sam becoming a couple?
1. iOMG

**Author's Note: This is a little companion to the "Seddie arc" – iOMG to iLove You, though the first chapter links back to a couple of earlier eps and the last chapter rolls into iQ a little. It's written entirely from Carly's PoV so if she's not in the scene then it didn't happen.**

**Disclaimer : I don't own the shows or the characters, I just wish that I did.**

I don't know why I never 'talked' with Freddie after he came off his crutches. Perhaps it was the pain of him rejecting me, maybe it was a fear that he had moved on from me and felt differently but suddenly there was Adam – and Freddie's vehement denials at Webicon, then there was Steven – all the while Freddie never batted an eyelid, he just carried on being Freddie, loyal, dependable Freddie. I guess it became easy to suppress what I'd felt during our dance, when we'd shared our kisses, including the 35 minutes we'd spent on his bed (it hurt that he had doubts after that) – and then to see him and Tori looking so cosy together at the party at Keenan's, especially given the way he'd drooled over her photos when he'd "researched" her, well that just served to reinforce my belief that he'd moved on. That I'd missed my chance. That the guy who'd do anything for me, just because I asked him, he wasn't mine anymore.

Maybe Sam was right about using the butter-sock on her. Speaking of Sam, she's acting weird, spending all her time hanging out with Freddie and Brad. It's not like her at all. Maybe it's too much time alone that's making me think about Freddie.

Sam's acting weird, she's spending a lot of time with Freddie and Brad, she wants to work on a school project with them. Something's up, I just can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's the fudge Brad keeps making…

Freddie came running up to me at the lock-in, his eyes bright, his boyish smile – as always – lighting up his gorgeous features (hang on, when did I start using Freddie and gorgeous in the same sentence?) Sam – in love? With Brad? Wow. They would make a cute couple. Yeah….. so would Freddie and I… mmmm, FOCUS SHAY! Now's not the time for that, sort Sam out then you and Freddie can hook up afterwards and make a foursome with them.

My first attempts to get Sam to admit she loved Brad failed miserably. All she wanted to do was make out with her ham sandwich. I know she said she wanted to marry Galini's pie but seriously Sam – you and ham CAN'T live happy ever after.

I started talking to Freddie about my plans to get them together – I can't believe he made me squirm my way through the talk about horses "dating", part of me wanted to strangle him for it, but how could I when I saw him smiling at me?

The plan didn't work – I guess Sam just knows too many ways of getting through a locked door for me to expect locking her and Brad in a room together would work. So I decided on the direct approach when she confronted me. I listed Brad's good points, went heavy on the fudge angle and ended by encouraging her to make a move. She responded by storming off in a huff. Argh I just want to bash some sense into her head. I found Freddie and told him what had – or rather hadn't – happened. I just felt helpless – I was trying to get Sam to go after Brad, I encouraged her to go for it, to make a move, but she didn't want to know.

About 10 minutes later I was in the cafeteria and I could see outside – Freddie was there, talking to Sam. She didn't look too happy. In fact it looked like she was threatening him, but he didn't back down. Long gone are the days when my guy would quail under Sam's death glare, run for cover and arm himself with a baseball bat… heh heh, my guy – you gotta admit it Shay, you got it bad…

What. The.? Sam just jumped him. They were talking, then she… and he… lips… SAM! I know I told you to make a move – but I didn't think you'd make it on MY Freddie!

**AN : Next chapter should be up soon. In the meantime I'm also working on a Victorious cross-over if anyone's interested. **


	2. iLost My Mind

It's been three days and not a word from Sam. I've not spoken to Freddie either, so much for "no more secrets". I squash the small voice in my mind that asks if Freddie knows how I really feel – telling myself that he SHOULD do, we spent 34 minutes making out on his bed with him in nothing but a robe… mmmmm… FOCUS. And now SAM KISSES MY FREDDIE. And neither of them tell me!

I work into our apartment to see Spencer trying to put on a pair of my jeans – I'm sure eventually I'm gonna learn to just not ask questions about what he does. Suddenly Freddie walks in and my vow not to confront him over events at the lock-in crumbled as soon as he mentioned Sam. I couldn't help it. I could hear my voice rising an octave as I began ranting at him until I spotted his "ideas face" and we managed to track her to… a mental hospital? I grabbed my keys and we set off to get her back.

After Gibby caused a diversion, Freddie and I went looking for her, found her and confronted her. I tried to get her to admit that she loves Freddie, telling her that I think it's awesome – I'd say anything to get her out of there and back with us. Then Freddie showed up and I decided to leave them to it – they needed to decide where they stood. OMG, what if Freddie likes her back? He didn't deny it while we were at my apartment. Have I missed my chance? What would those two dating mean? And if it will make my two best friends happy, surely it means I have to swallow my feelings and try to make it happen. I meant it when I told Sam I just want her to be happy, and if Freddie really HAS given up on me, well after all this time, and all the rejections, after I never told him he wasn't "just bacon", I'd only have myself to blame. If they want this, then I need to help them, whatever the cost.

Freddie finally seems to have talked her into leaving, but they won't let her – she needs a parent to sign her out and her mom's in Mexico. We need to figure out how to get Sam out of there – and how to make me the future Vice-President of the US.

Plan A didn't work – dressing Spencer up as Sam's mom. I really should be less surprised that one of Spencer's old friends has wound up in a mental hospital. So it's on to Plan B, we're gonna shoot iCarly live from Troubled Waters and see what the fans have to say about Sam liking Freddie. Freddie sounds a little unsure about this, but I'm going for it.

Our first "Seddie" fan raves about how great it would be, and how hot Freddie is.

"Don't get carried away" I find myself saying, but who am I kidding? Girls find Freddie hot these days, he's not the geeky boy-next-door with the puppy-love crush anymore. How did every girl alive see this when I couldn't?

Sam still seems unsure about it and suddenly we get Freddie talking about it, about what he thinks, what he feels, about how that's important too. Here it is – will he tell the world he still loves me? That would crush Sam. Perhaps he can let her down gently… OR he could kiss her. WOAH! Freddie kisses Sam. He wants SAM, not me. They're my best friends. I should be pleased, they're both happy. They look cute together.

"And goodnight!" I say to the camera, trying to put on a brave face, but as I switch the camera off I wonder if I mean goodnight from the show or if the sun has set on any chance of me and Freddie.


	3. iDate Sam and Freddie

Why did I wait so long? Why did I never say anything? I guess I just thought that Freddie would always be there – waiting patiently for me to return his feelings. I should have realised that other girls would find him hot these days, but I never thought that SAM would, that he and Sam would fall for each other.

Spencer made a lawn – again I wonder when I'm ever going to give up asking "why?" where he's concerned. Gibby's really beginning to bug me too – he's company while Sam and Freddie are all 'coupley' but he's starting to hint that we should be too. Which is just ewww.

Sam and Freddie walk in, fighting. Apparently Mr. Fracks gave Freddie a 'B' on his report so Sam filled his car with bees. Interesting way of showing she cares, I guess. The two of them are driving me mad, they're arguing all the time and looking for me to fix things. But, they're my best friends and they're asking for my help. As much as I want Freddie, he and Sam are together, they deserve a chance of happiness and I'm going to do what I can for them – I owe Freddie that much, and Sam too I guess, after all it was I who encouraged her to lay it all on the line and make a move on the guy she fell in love with. Why did it have to be Freddie though?

Ok Gibby, now you're REALLY bugging me. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! No puppy, no extra hanging out, no bonding, no couple time for us – just LEAVE IT.

Now they're arguing over paying for dates, how much should be spent, chizz like that – I should just slap them both until they stop. I wasn't meant to be a peacekeeper. I manage it, then Spencer relieves any lingering tension in his usual way – setting fire to himself. They even bother me in the middle of the night to settle arguments over whose mother is less stable. It's getting to the point where I just can't take it anymore, who would have thought two people could make Spencer and Gibby look sane and well balanced? How do these two even stay together when they're at each other's throats constantly? Oh crap, Gibby's here again.

And now I'm going on a date with them – an on-site referee. And they're arguing live on iCarly. Here we go again. At least I finally got rid of Gibby and his stupid puppy.

We get to the date – not what I expected. I thought I'd at least be sat with them. Rather than watching from 50 yards away, waiting for them to fight, while some weird guy tries to hit on me all night. And here it is – they even fight over Parmesan cheese. I think I'm in danger of losing my job as peacekeeper here, and not before time. Finally, I just snapped. Sam was talking with her mouth full again, Freddie was complaining again. I lost it. I did my impression of the worst of their habits, the way they act around each other and told them that if they can't go a day without fighting then they shouldn't be dating. I had to bite my tongue to not add "and then I can have Freddie for myself". Then I took the rest of their lasagne. Damn, this is good lasagne…


	4. iCan't Take It

Things are going better between Freddie and Sam, only three fights this week. She says she's still hitting him, just not in the face. Why did I say that was cute? **(AN: For me the most appalling piece of dialogue in ANY kids' TV series I've ever seen. It is to the eternal shame of both Sam and the network to portray Domestic Violence and Abuse within a Relationship not only as acceptable, but also funny)** If I was dating him I wouldn't hit him at all, I'd treat him the way he deserved. I should tell her it's disturbing and not the done thing, but that's not the way I talk around Sam now, is it?

Freddie comes by and proudly announces that he's finished editing our new video – uh, why am I not in it? There's lots of Sam, some Spencer but no Carly. I know they're dating but still – how can it be iCarly without the Carly? Then Gibby shows up complete with sandwiches. Sam uses them to try and break his jaw… and now he's sleeping in my bed. Not good. Freddie and Sam head for a movie, but then come back. Freddie's mom still doesn't know about them, they want Spencer to lie to her while they sneak off in the other elevator. Yep, they're gone – and they didn't invite me.

Spencer is digging himself into a nice, deep hole with his lies to Mrs Benson, he really is a terrible liar, and I can't believe Freddie's mom bought any of them. A few minutes later we hear her scream – actually I think most of Seattle must have heard her scream. I can only guess that Gibby's broken the news about her son dating Sam Puckett – and that she isn't very happy about it.

Freddie, Sam and Gibby come round after school. We're watching Spencer kneading dough for bread (his lies already coming back to haunt him) when Freddie gets a text. He's been rejected for his NERD camp and can't understand why. Sam acts all sympathetic but I give her a knowing look. I know EXACTLY why he didn't get in, and so does she… Gibby eases the tension by announcing that Glitter Gloss have a sale on – again I decide the best action is to not ask questions, I just drag Sam off to the mall with me.

I'm going to kill them both. iCarly starts in a couple of minutes and I've no co-host and no tech producer. Don't they care? It's all starting to pile up on me, I'm feeling claustrophobic again, and we all know that's never good. The editing, Sam beating up on Gibby all the time, Mrs Benson even more flipped than usual – Spencer says she offered Freddie a 100oz bar of pure Palladium if he broke up with Sam and he refused – it's no good. They miss the show – it lasts all of 5 seconds as Gibby's a complete moron. They eventually show up. Sam's present of taffy turns out to be an empty wrapper, no prizes for guessing where the candy actually is. They think I'm jealous, with all my ranting about what they've done, haven't done and have made me do – and maybe they're right – they just don't know the WHY. I let slip that Gibby spilt the beans to Freddie's mom. I think Sam took it rather well. She didn't break TOO many of his bones, though she did hurt Spencer – and remove a chunk of Gibby's hair. But things have gone too far, I have to do something to get things back the way they were. Mrs Benson asks for my help in breaking them up and I'm ready to do it. I let slip about what Sam did to Freddie's camp application. This is my chance to get Freddie to hate Sam again and get him into my arms, where he belongs.

They show up at rehearsal – the stage is set. Mrs Benson is going to walk in with Freddie's completed application and it will all be over. I'm starting to have second thoughts but convince myself that it's for the greater good. Here's Marissa, here's the moment of truth. I can't handle the confrontation, I run for it – that's the Carly way after all. When I get down stairs I find Spencer's set the oven on fire trying to bake his bread. After all this time it's no longer a surprise. I load up the web feed and prepare to watch the drama unfold upstairs.

Freddie's furious, Sam apologises but I don't think Freddie wants to hear it. The guilt is overwhelming me; suddenly I can't take it anymore. I head back upstairs to try and make things right.

"Who cares?" I snap at him. With hindsight a pretty awful thing to say, but these are desperate times. I compare Sam to a wild chimp? I'm not sure she appreciates the analogy. I try to get Sam to say she loves Freddie; she at least admits it's kinda true. That's progress at least. Freddie's still very reluctant but I push them together – literally – and they start making out again. They're my friends, they're happy together. I have a duty to make this happen for them – and to assuage my guilt. Of course Gibby has to screw the moment by starting singing. Where's Spencer's electric prank pen when I really need it?

**AN: For those who think I was OTT with my earlier note I ask you to consider one simple question. What if a show had two teenage boys talking, one saying that he still hit his girlfriend, just not in the face, and his friend thought that was really good of hi. Would you find it acceptable? Would you laugh? If not (and I hope everyone says they would not) then why should it be acceptable when the abuser is female?**


	5. iLove You

Freddie, Freddie, Freddie. I really DON'T CARE about trains and engines. I know I pretend to look interested, but I thought you knew me well enough by now. He claims I'd be interested if I'd been to his train club meeting. Uh, no Freddie, trains are just dull. Sam rocks up and Seddie are all mushy again. Sam says they've not kissed in two days? What? They say they can't hang tonight either – Freddie has plans with his mom and Sam is going to abuse the soccer team. It strikes me as weird but Freddie thinks it's fine that they don't share any interests. I know if I was dating a guy we'd need at least a FEW common interests and things we could do together, aside from making out of course. They don't seem convinced by my argument that part of dating is learning to like each other's activities. Hey, just because they're dating and I'm not doesn't mean I don't know better. Sam listens to me and agrees to attend Freddie's next train club meeting. Aw, they're so nauseatingly cute like this. Sam heads off to attack the soccer club, but she and Freddie will be doing stuff together later. Hey, what could possibly go wrong?

It turns out that Principal Franklin's new employee is Spencer's old baby-sitter. They're going on a date. Her suggestion – scary. One of the soccer girls comes back, complete with golf ball injury. I'm claiming plausible deniability, I know nothing…

Spencer's date's going well, I'm acting as server – it's amazing what $40 will get a girl to do. They start reminiscing about her days babysitting him, they seem to still be a little into the baby/sitter relationship. I think I SHOULD be scared.

Gibby's trying to train a duck and show it on iCarly. When oh when will I learn to stop acting questions and humouring this idiot? Spencer and Jenna come back – still very much in baby/sitter mode. Apparently Spencer wouldn't eat his vegetables so he couldn't have dessert. Now she's getting him ready for bed with the promise of pop-corn? Ok, something about this is just SO wrong. In fact, it's so wrong even Gibby's noticed it. She even cancels movie night early because it was "too scary for Spencer". Can't ANYONE else see how creepy this is? Great, now she's sending ME to bed? And all the while Gibby strokes his duck – somehow it would be less weird if that WAS a euphemism…

And now Jenna's telling Spencer when he's had too much juice – she's treating him like even more of a child than he usually is – and he's letting her! Meanwhile Sam's evening with Freddie's train club didn't go so well, I think she got him kicked out. Now they're talking about protective cups – I don't understand and I don't think I want to. Sam apologises to Freddie, though her look to me suggests she's a little less than completely sincere about it. It sucks, if I was Freddie's girlfriend I'd embrace his hobbies, not humour and sabotage them – even the nerdy ones like the "training bros". And Freddie's actually blaming ME for it instead of Sam? That's gratitude for you. I suggest he tries to fit in with Sam's hobbies – they're going to visit two of Sam's relatives in prison. We head off to do iCarly, Jenna won't let Spencer watch until he's finished his sculpture. I want to grab them both and yell "THIS IS WRONG!"

Sam and Freddie are arguing again – sharing SAM'S hobbies didn't turn out too well either – something to do with trying to smuggle ham into prison down Freddie's pants. It turns out they CAN'T share each other's interests and do stuff together after all, unlike Freddie and me who would have a lot more in common. WAKE UP AND REALISE IT FREDDIE! Freddie comments that it was my suggestion in the first place, for them to share interests – in my defence I point out that I'm single. I go downstairs and Jenna's reading Spencer a BEDTIME STORY? Ok, this has gone WAY beyond far enough! I have to do something. Now. I tell them it needs to stop. Right now. Spencer asks what the problem is. The problem? With a 30 year-old man being baby-sat by a 35 year-old? Seriously? I need to answer that? Well here goes… I point out that theirs isn't a normal relationship. That they're trying to take a connection and force it into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, no matter how bizarre and unnatural it seems – and creepy, as Jenna points out. I observe that they shouldn't feel bad, and they can be friends, but not pretend that they can be bf/gf. They agree and break up. I feel bad but it's for the best.

They broke up. We were sat in the Groovy Smoothie when they told me. Apparently Sam and Freddie overheard what I said to Jenna and Spencer and they took it to mean them as well – looking at it I guess it did, and now Freddie's available again, though the girl code means I have to wait at least a little while before I can make my move. Hey, who's that cute guy at the next table? He's hot, I'm single – I'm going in…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And we're clear. Thank you very much to everyone who took the time to read the story. I hope you enjoyed some or all of it - and if it hasn't put you off my work then please check out my other ongoing stories iMiss Freddie and, in the iCarlyVictorious x-over section, Freddie Goes To Hollywood.**

**PD31  
><strong>


End file.
